The Cat’s Pajamas

Preoccupied with myself,

I’m tortured by my mind,

Happiness, all nothingness,

Yet mortality I cannot find.

Hanging on to yesterday,

Like a child clings to a toy,

Killing life, this living death,

My soul never knowing joy.

Paranoia is my master,

Filled with fearful thoughts,

I’ve imagined my security,

They’ve uncovered all my faults.

Falling from nowhere,

While safely on the ground,

Screaming words of hatred,

With silence the only sound.

Seeing an illusion,

Believing all my lies,

Killing things that don’t exist,

Refusing to hear their cries.

Self destruction,

All reality,

Nothing left but pain,

Living in a nightmare,

I fear I’ve gone insane.

I am here, but I am not.

I stand in the shadows of the belonging

Trapped by four solid walls

Built by my own fucked emotions.

I can no longer endure

The turmoil of my solitary hell.

Screams of a near psychotic

Increase upon deaf ears.

The pain of desertion

Blinds my tearing eyes.

I madly claw for an exit from the human race.

Many maggots have matured into flies

Since I last touched

The key to happiness

And now I discover it lying at my feet.

I pick it up.

I hold it in my possession,

Clench it tightly between my toes,

Yet problems seem everlasting.

The key doesn’t fit

With the imagined perfection.

Groundless trepidations

Swarm my mind

Like red ants on a dying worm.

What if the locks open,

And I step through the doorway

Only to find the ground isn’t solid?

What if the door slams shut

As I disappear into the void below?

Are my fears justifiable?

Or am I simply paranoid,

Terrified of loosing my existence,

Terrified of loosing you,

For you are my existence.

Please, no more,

You fuck minded idiots.

The precautions you take

To defend this sphere of hate

Prove you must be mad.

No!

I am the one who’s insane,

But of no fault of my own.

My mold was made by slaves

Of your evil ways.

Sure I’m insane,

But at least I have morals.

You are blind to the clear picture.

If possible, I would lend you my eyes,

But you must stay in darkness.

I do not belong to this world,

But to my own self,

Therefore, I am mad.

But isn’t it nice?